Break Through: Moving Forward in Your Trauma Healing

"We can’t go over it. We can’t go under it. We’ve got to go through it."

That phrase, from the beloved children’s book We’re Going on a Bear Hunt, holds a deep truth about healing from trauma.

Most of us want to move past pain as quickly as possible—to avoid it, numb it, or bury it under our daily responsibilities. But the only way to truly heal is by going through it.

In fact, one of the core symptoms of PTSD is avoidance—avoiding reminders, emotions, and even the truth of what happened. But avoidance doesn’t free us from trauma; it keeps us stuck on the inside.

I learned this in the hardest way imaginable—the morning I woke up and found my husband had passed away in his sleep.

No Time to Avoid the Pain

As I sat in the aftermath of being told my husband was gone, I found myself saying, “I’m only 25” on repeat, unable to fully comprehend what had happened.

I remember running to my neighbor’s house, knocking on the door, shaking from the adrenaline. Soon after, my friend arrived. She had a calm, steady presence, and she said something that changed everything:

"Lilli, we need to go back into your house."

I didn’t want to. I was terrified. I was in shock, and everything in me wanted to run away—to escape the reality of what had just happened. It felt like too much.

But she nudged me forward—and because I truly did not know what to do, I followed.

She led me back into the house. Into the bedroom where my entire world had just changed forever.

Facing the Trauma Changed Everything

It wasn’t just about going back into our bedroom—it was about facing what had happened head-on instead of carrying it with me in avoidance.

She encouraged me to strip the bed. I didn’t want to. But I did.

I pounded my fists on the mattress, sobbing, screaming, letting every emotion surge through me.

That moment changed the whole trajectory of my healing.

Because instead of locking it inside me—burying it, pretending I was fine, or numbing myself with distractions—I let myself feel it, process it, and begin to move through it.

I still grieved. Of course, I did. But I wasn’t carrying it in a way that controlled how I showed up for the rest of my life.

Avoidance Only Keeps the Pain Alive

I had a friend who lost his wife around the same time. But instead of facing his pain, he went to great lengths to avoid reminders of the experience—even driving miles out of his way to avoid passing the hospital where she died.

His entire life started shrinking around what he was avoiding.

🚨 When we don’t face our trauma, we don’t leave it behind—we carry it with us. It shapes how we navigate life, how we show up in relationships, and how we see and respond to the world.

But when we allow ourselves to feel and process the pain, we don’t just survive. We set ourselves up to heal—to move through it instead of staying stuck inside it.

How to Move FORWARD Through Trauma

From this experience—and so many others—I created the FORWARD acronym to help guide the healing journey.

When you’re going through something that overwhelms you, move FORWARD:

F - Face It.

I was terrified, but I took the first step—and it changed everything. Be willing to acknowledge how trauma is showing up in your life today, even if you’re not ready to revisit every painful detail.

O - Open Yourself Up.

I didn’t do this alone. My friend stood beside me, helping me take the step I didn’t even know I needed to take. Healing isn’t meant to be done in isolation. Allow trusted support into your process.

R - Reflect.

In those moments, I allowed myself to fully experience what was happening—rather than stuffing it down. Pause to understand what you’re feeling, what you're thinking, what you need, and where you feel stuck.

W - Welcome the Process.

Even when it felt unbearable, I leaned into what I needed to do to process the moment. Be open to trying different healing approaches—therapy, movement, mindfulness—and let others help.

A - Attune to Yourself.

Your body and emotions will tell you what is and isn’t helpful—listen to them. If something doesn’t feel right, trust your instincts.

R - Redefine the Path.

There’s no perfect way to heal. Triggers and setbacks don’t mean failure; they mean adjustment is needed. When difficult symptoms arise, shift your approach rather than abandoning the journey.

👉 What you’re facing may be the impacts of what you’ve experienced. This may mean you need to take an approach that is less direct—reconnecting with yourself, finding safety again, and allowing rest before diving deeper.

D - Discover Healing.

This is not about erasing the past—it’s about learning how to live through your circumstances with more peace, resilience, and self-compassion. Healing happens in layers, and as you take care of yourself, you will move through your pain and into hope.

Final Thoughts: You Can’t Heal by Avoiding

Healing doesn’t mean you wake up one day and the pain is gone. It doesn’t mean grief disappears.

But it does mean you learn how to experience it in a way that doesn’t hold you captive—unable to claim joy.

✨ You can’t heal by avoiding. You heal by going through.

And when you take intentional steps FORWARD, healing happens—one step at a time.

Are You Ready to Take the First Step?

📥 If you’re ready to start your healing journey, visit www.resolvetorise.com. Download your free Resolve to Rise Companion Guide and begin building a foundation that supports you.

💬 How have you faced your pain instead of avoiding it? Send me an email—I’d love to hear your experience.

🔔 If this resonated with you, share it with someone who might need to hear it today.

🎥 Watch the video on YouTube